The Lost Art of Face-to-Face Communication
Back2School 2021 • Expert Advice
Kirt Manecke, award-winning author, gives advice on how tweens and teens can better communicate in person to succeed in business, and in life.
By Kirt Manecke
It may not feel natural for teens, especially in today's electronic age, to look people in the eye and excel at face-to-face conversation. But it can be learned, and those who master it will find it makes all the difference as they pursue the goals of their lives.
Eventually, we will all get back to situations where we’ll be meeting in person again. The things you do now to prepare will help you in the long term manage occasions that may, in the past, have been frightening and intimidating.
Here are some tips to help:
1. Smile and mean it.
You’ve heard the term, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” It may be an overused saying, but it’s absolutely true. And it really all comes down to one thing – your smile.
Your smile says a lot about you as a person, so make it a good one. And the best smiles are the ones where you don’t just use your mouth – a true smile has to reach your eyes – so the person you’re smiling at knows you’re sincere and not just faking it.
Other things you can do to make a great first impression is to look them in the eye while you’re smiling and greeting them, and shaking their hand firmly, but not aggressively, or using a fist or elbow bump as we are during this pandemic.
2. Pay full attention to who you’re speaking to.
The advent of technology, as cool as it can be, has shrunk our collective attention span down to what seems like a few seconds. And Twitter has reduced how we communicate to 140 characters or less. Because of this, when we do have opportunities to meet in person, it’s important to give the person to whom you’re speaking your full attention. That means leaving the phone in your pocket and preferably off or in silent mode, or at least out of your hand’s reach during your discussion.
Smiling, nodding and asking questions during the discussion is another way you can let people know you’re engaged in the conversation. Also, keeping your eyes mainly on them – instead of darting around like you’re looking for someone else – will signal to your companion that you’re tuned into what they’re saying.
Lots of people like to talk, but few have mastered the art of listening.
3. Present positive body language.
This goes a little bit with the first three points in that smiling, shaking hands and nodding to signal engagement are all positive aspects of body language. To get into specifics: Let’s say you’re at a party or networking event where everyone is standing up, mingling and speaking to each other. In addition to employing all of the above, you need to make sure your posture is straight but not rigid. Avoid slouching but make sure you remain comfortable and loose.
And there’s nothing wrong with using your hands to talk. Just make sure you’re aware of where they’re going so you don’t accidentally hit someone as they’re walking by! Also, in these situations, it’s essential to respect people’s personal space and not get too close. In today’s pandemic world, that hasn’t been an issue, but it’s still something to consider for the future.
If you’re sitting, the no-slouching rule is still in effect. You have a little more freedom in how you express yourself, such as whether you cross your legs. Talking with your hands is acceptable here too. If you’re apt to be fidgety when you’re nervous, then resting your hands in your lap is probably your best bet.
4. Your appearance matters.
Now this depends on the occasion and situation, but in a business setting, your appearance absolutely matters. A few years ago, a friend of mine, who was counseling high-school kids on how to find their first job, told me something interesting. She said that many of the kids came to her, asking her advice about how to be sure they get hired. My friend started by asking them a few, simple questions.
“What were you wearing during your first interview?”
It turns out the kid in question wore short-shorts, a tube top and flip flops to the interview, which was at a high-end retail store in a mall.
It’s no surprise that she didn’t get the job.
Do some research into the company you want to work for, so you get an idea of its culture. Many businesses make it easy when applying for a job by listing their qualifications for attire, etc. “Business casual” can mean many different things nowadays, but you can never go wrong with dress pants and a dress shirt. Sometimes a tie is needed. You’ll find out pretty quickly what the rules are if you do get the job.
5. Have an enthusiastic attitude.
This can be hard to do in some situations, but whether it’s a job interview, family get together or just a few friends hanging out, your attitude can make or break the event. Think of your attitude like a cold – both good and bad attitudes can spread to others. If you’re sporting a bad attitude, do you want to be responsible for putting a damper on your grandma’s 100th birthday party? Whatever it is you’re doing, show some excitement to be there. Be enthusiastic, and watch people’s eyes light up.
But it has to be authentic. As with your smile, falseness shines just as brightly as authenticity.
These suggestions may seem pretty simple, but some of those in younger generations haven’t had much cause to learn them. Between online schooling, tweeting, instagramming, tik-toking, snapchatting and more, learning to handle themselves in an in-person setting has truly become a lost art.
Don’t let these important skills go by the wayside. If you employ these in your everyday life – both in the personal and professional arenas – I can guarantee that your interactions with people will, by and large, be much more positive than negative. And who knows? Your smile may be the only one some person sees that day!
About Kirt Manecke
Kirt Manecke is the author of the award-winning book and online course, Smile & Succeed for Teens: Must-Know People Skills for Today’s Wired World. Winner of the Teachers’ Choice Award, and Mom’s Choice Gold Award Smile & Succeed for Teens is a crash course in social and job skills to help tweens and teens succeed in school, work and life. Kirt also wrote the award-winning book, SMILE: Sell More with Amazing Customer Service-The Essential 60-Minute Crash Course, and the Parent’s Guide for Smile & Succeed for Teens. Classroom packs with teaching guides are available. Contact Kirt at kirt@smilethebook.com. www.SmiletheBook.com.
